'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
