I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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