Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
