I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
