I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
