She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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