Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
