Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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