I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
