Only a mothe r could love this liver
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
