just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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