On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
