who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
