I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
