Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
