Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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