two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
