I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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