you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
