she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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