1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
