then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
