bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
