just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
