i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
