At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
