So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
