her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
