just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
