would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
