I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
FUCK WHALES
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
