She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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