Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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