Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
