Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im holly from the hills drunk
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
