So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
