i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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