You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
