Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
