My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
