When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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