TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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