I love black thongs
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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