I cockslap morals
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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