Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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