I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
