So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
