try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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