she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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