Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
