At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
