I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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