last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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