Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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