i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
